In a shlump of sorts
Since I wrote about what my boys are up to, I thought I’d write about what I’m up to, and how it’s affecting me. Since having Lachlan back in November I have been taking it pretty easy. It has been a good thing to not be so stressed out, but at the same time- I think I’ve taken it a little too far.
Don’t get me wrong, I certainly haven’t gone off the deep end, I’m just kind of in a shlump- can anyone relate? It’s like I don’t want to do much of anything towards my own personal improvement.
For example, if any of you know me, you know how much I love to exercise and eat healthy. Lately that has REALLY taken the back burner. I am extremely blessed to be fitting in to my pre pregnancy clothes already- have been for the past month. I don’t know how it happened so quickly, but I’m certainly not complaining. However, if I keep up my unhealthy habits I might just grow out of those clothes. I’m not one to put on weight at the drop of a hat, but I have seen heavier days in my life and I know how blechy it makes me feel. What gets to me right now is that I am so tired and bored of the same old routine that I just don’t care! :-O (Did I just type that out loud?)
Another thing that is bothering me about myself right now is my spiritual growth or lack thereof. I do not have any sort of consistent prayer and scripture study regimen and I really have no REAL motivation to be very consistent. I know it’s important and I know it’s a blessing- it’s just so boring! I think that’s the main thing that’s stopping me right now. That is really sad.
So I’m in a bind. How much of this is me and how much of this is the adversary. Right now, I don’t think I’d be able to tell you. I feel like such a spoiled brat sometimes. I am so blessed and so greatful for all that I’ve been given. I just wish I had more energy/desire then I presently have.
This past Monday I tried to be superwoman. Lachlan had gotten up to eat at 4:10 a.m. (after going to sleep at 10 or so) and I figured I would just stay up (since I was up already) read my scriptures, and exercise while everyone else still slept.
[Another thing you might know if you know me, is that I am not really a morning person- though I think my hubby would be absolutely delighted if this was something that came naturally to me.]
Well, Monday (to say the least) was a less than perfect day (as most days are) I was grumpy, irritable, and less then happy with myself and my children. I don’t know if it was because I was tired necessarily, or if it was because I am so anti morning that I told myself it’s a rule to be grumpy if I get up any earlier than 7:30.
And then what gets me is that in high school I could burn the candle at both ends and STILL have enough energy to do it all.
I guess having children sure changes things.
Lately I’ve found that I am getting really good at making excuses for not wanting to exercise/eat healthy or do anything remotely spiritual besides the going through the motions. I could win a contest with all the excuses I’ve come up with.
To my credit (or discredit) it might help you to know that I get easily overwhelmed and stressed out, and then I get stressed out about stressing out. So rather then try to become superwoman (which is my goal ;) I do nothing- so them I am not so disappointed in myself when my wonderous plans fall through (like Monday).
I’m not really doing nothing- I do pray in my heart to my Heavenly Father throughout the day and I think that’s what is keeping me from being struck down by a lightning bolt at any given moment.
So I’m not sure what to think of myself really. On one hand I’ve never been less stressed in my life than I am right now. On the other hand, at what point should I start caring more about these things?
It’s hard for me to change.
For me there is only one “TRUE WAY” for me to maintain my weight- use my exercise tapes at home-30- 40 minutes. Cardio on M,W,F and Toning on Tues and Thurs. Since having two kids it’s hard to find those minutes consecutively, and since I practically have my tapes memorized- I’ve given up my ‘way of life’ for the time being. I HAVE gone out on short walks with the boys which has been soooooo lovely- but I wouldn’t consider it something that “counts” towards keeping my weight in check- I would just consider it a “nice stroll in the park”.
Spiritually speaking I am “doing well” when I cry my heart out (tears and all) for about 15-20 min and then read my scriptures the rest of the time until Jonathan wakes up from his nap, in hopes that I will suddenly find the answers to my lifes petty little worries.
I have been thinking of how to adapt my life to include both spiritual and physical fitness and it has been so tough to picture my life any differently than the above scenarios, and so…I have done nothing. And even if people suggest ways for me to change- I don’t REALLY want to change. See my dilemma? And now you know more than you ever wanted to know and you didn’t even ask- but if you’ve read this far I guess you did ask to know…so what do you think?
3 comments
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Oh, honey! It’s not just you. Have you thought that maybe it’s a little of the baby blues?? I wish you could see how great we all think you are. I know that doesn’t help when you’re having a rough day, but you really are GREAT. Please let me know if you need a little break. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’d love to have the kiddos over. Love you!
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Just give it some time. Becoming the “real you” again will happen naturally once Lachlan gets older. I felt the same way after Whitney was born. It’s really hard to find time for yourself with one child, and twice as hard with two little ones! Just take it easy and wait until you feel that drive again. Until then, focus on the happy little moments :) And… get out of the house as much as possible, alone or with Hans!
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Hey, cuz it’s me Becky your probably wondering how did she find me :O At the family reunion you gave me your email address then I thought to myself I wonder if she blogs.
Crazy right. I wanted to let you know it takes some time adjusting to a new baby and all. I think sometimes we want to get right back into the swing of things but at the same time we need to savor the fact that babies allow us to slow done just a bit they also allow us time to enjoy the wonderous creation of life. One scripture that has truly stuck with me and one that a visiting teacher shared with me is Eccl. 3:1 to every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven; right now is your time for teaching a big brother, a season for learning who this little person is and the new things he will be doing everyday from smiles:) to cries also a time for adjusting, wondering and growing into a new routine that works for your family:) Scripture study takes effort on everyones part, I’ve struggled with that for a long time just remember not to let it fall by the wayside remember something is better than nothing. O, for your workout stuff mix it up try something new, again you may want to just bounce right back into things but for now just enjoy those walks with the boys that excersie will do just fine for now:) then when you build up strentgh and energy it will back to the same ol’ then it will be like ok I can do this.
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